I spent yesterday with my family, and it was a good day! I love getting the opportunity to spend time with my niece and nephew. Spending time with them always brightens my day, no matter what else is going on in my life. Seeing those kids laugh, smile, and just be innocent children is what makes life worth living.
I don't have any children of my own. I suffered with Endometriosis for 10 years and ultimately chose to have a hysterectomy at the age of 35. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but the pain became unbearable and it affected all areas of my life. I lost jobs, dropped out of school, and suffered with depression as a result. After a lot of prayer, and with the support of my family, friends, and church family, I was able to be at peace with my decision. Having a family of my own was always so important to me, but eventually my health and well being became more important.
I look back now and I wish I would never have been faced with having to make that decision, but I know it was all a part of God's plan. Realizing that I would never experience the joy of being pregnant, or having and raising children of my own was devastating. At first, I was resentful, angry, and frustrated, but over the years I have made peace with it and have accepted that it was always a part of God's will. My faith is strong and like every other situation in my life, my faith has seen me through. It has given me the strength to accept things and move on.
My niece and nephew are my heart's joy. There's nothing I love more than spending time with them. My nephew will be 6 years old next month and we have always been close. Words cannot express how much I love & adore that kid! I couldn't be more grateful for the closeness we share. He will always have my heart! My niece just turned 1 last month, and although she is young, I believe we share a special bond, as well. She has the best disposition and is always happy! Her smile melts my heart and I know that as she gets older, we will continue to be close. Those children can make me smile like no one else can and they prove to me that whatever pain and sadness I might be going through, is only temporary. I couldn't love anything or anyone more than I love those kiddos!
I love children, and I hope that when I meet someone and fall in love, that man has a child/children so that I can love them as much as I love my niece and nephew. I have so much love to give a child, and even though I can't have any, I know that I am capable of loving my partner's child/children as much as I would if they were my very own.
Through everything I've endured with the Endometriosis and hysterectomy, I realize that God still has a plan for me. And just because this plan does not include me getting pregnant and having children of my own, it does not mean that I am not able to love someone else's child the same way I would if I had given birth to them.
God always has a plan and he knows what he's doing. I accept this, and believe in it wholeheartedly. My faith sustains me and gets me through the day. Without it, I honestly don't know where I would be. I realize how blessed I am to have my niece and nephew in my life, and I will continue to be grateful and love them as only their favorite aunt can!!!
Peace & Love